When you feel broken, it can be hard to talk to someone you look up to, even if they know you better than anyone else, including yourself. There’s a longing there to be accepted and yet that is the very thing that can create space between two people. The fear of being rejected can keep us from moving toward the other person.  When Jesus is one of those two people, though, we will never face rejection.  He’s been waiting with anticipation to sit with you … and it’s just that simple.

November 13, 2018  4:06am

            Hey!

Hey.

            It's been a while.

What do you mean? I talk to you all the time!

            Yeah but this is nice. It’s quiet.

I guess.

            What’s wrong?

Maybe this is a bad idea.

            Why?

I’m so uncomfortable that you know everything about me.

            Isn’t that good? There are no secrets between us.

Oy...

            Why do you keep looking at your phone?

Because I really want to check it. 

            But I’m right here. 

Well, that’s kind of the problem. 

            What do you mean?

 You’re looking at me. My phone won’t. 

            So, it’s all these people looking at each other without really being seen? That wasn’t the plan.

I guess so.

            Why don’t you want me to look at you?

Because I don’t think you really want to be here. Who wants to see that?

            Right now, there’s nowhere else I’d rather be.

That’s hard to believe. I barely want to be here.

            That’s because you see our time together as a reflection on you while it’s really about you getting to know Me.

That makes my stomach hurt a little.

            I know but that’ll get better.

I feel like I’m keeping You from something.

            Right now, you’re keeping Me from you.

Maybe this wasn’t a good idea.

            I think it’s the best idea you’ve had in a while.

I’m having a hard time not running right now.

            Well, you’ve been running pretty hard for a long time. It’s got to be pretty weird to stop.

See? I feel like You’re judging me.

            No, I’m just telling you what I see. Do you disagree?

<sigh> No.

            I just want you to know it’s okay to not go all the time, especially if you and I are   going to hang out together. Remember Martha?

Yeah … and there is still a part of me that thinks Mary could have helped before she sat down.

            It wasn’t that Mary didn’t want to prepare for me. She just knew it didn’t have to be so complicated. Martha didn't even ask if I needed her to make an elaborate meal, or use the best dishes, or need everything clean. She just went!

It just doesn’t seem fair that You kind of called her out because she wanted the best for You.

            I didn’t need her best. I just wanted her.

But you’re God’s son. You’re like royalty, right? For royalty, you prepare your BEST.

            That’s the world talking. I never said I needed everything so fancy. I’m a pretty simple guy.

Right. The Son of God is a simple guy.

            It's like this: There is nothing I need to sit with you. All that running around, the work, the pursuit of perfection, creating … that’s for you.

I just don’t want to waste anything Your Dad gave me. Good stewardship through hard work, right?

            Our Dad.

Okay, yes, our Dad.

            He gave you those things, as a gift, so you’d enjoy life and help other people, not to keep you from Me. And working hard isn’t a stipulation to be loved.

So Martha could have just shown up with some fruit, with her place a mess, and you would have been cool? I feel like the disciples would have looked down on that.

            Well, they weren’t exempt from the habits of the world, but they got better. And as for your question, honestly, water would have been great. It gets hot walking around.

Jesus?

            Yeah?

This is nice.

            I think so too.

I’m glad you came.

            I’m glad you didn’t pick up your phone.

Me too.

            I love you.

Is it okay if I’m not ready to say that yet?

            Absolutely. I know you’re still getting to know Me.

How can You say that You love me so easily?

            Because I already know you.

Prayer: Jesus, thank You for showing up, even in my reluctance to be in Your presence as broken as I am. How do I come to You imperfect and feel loved? How do You love me knowing all that I am and all that I’ve been? It’s hard to fathom that You would want me to be with You when I can barely be in the presence of my own thoughts.

            Lord, it’s hard to know how I deserve Your unfailing presence in my life. You’re there when I don’t acknowledge You and stay when I do, encouraging me through my feelings of defeat. Thank You for giving me hope that it can change, even beyond my limited vision.  Thank You for seeing me as so much more than my beliefs.

            Jesus, thank You for your desire to want a relationship with me, that You would think me worthy of Your time and love, even when I don’t feel I have anything to offer You but my presence. I’m amazed that it’s enough.

            Thank You for Your grace in our busy-ness. Help us to know that we don’t have to work for Your attention, but You give it freely the moment we ask. I pray that I remember to ask. In Jesus’ name, amen.